Year after Year
by missing-in-venice
Summary: Damon returns for her birthday, but nothing is as it seems./ AU-ish after S3 / Slight angst and deals with slight drug use/
1. Prologue

_**A/N: Alrighty, so this is a semi dark and angsty little multi-chapter fic that I've decided to post. The plotline in set two years after season 3, Elena is still human and lets say that Damon kept his promise and left town. Elena's been hurting, so she's using drugs to help. This is inspired by a friend of mine who's recently had problems with addiction. I hope you enjoy, if not, that's cool too I guess. **_

* * *

Prologue 

Elena stared at the remaining white, oval pills in her hand. There were exactly five left, five left from the prescription of sixty she had gotten just two weeks ago. The last two weeks had been a blur of popping them first thing when she woke up, first thing after those wore off, and then again of course after those wore off.

Now that she thinks of it, the last sixth months have been a blur. Pop, high, low; that's what she called the habit that she had picked up. No, Elena Gilbert wasn't dumb. She knew exactly what she had gotten herself into. The thing was was that she just couldn't bring herself to care.

Staring back at the small pieces of relief that she had found in the form of the pills, she decided that she'd take all of them. Usually, she only took two at a time, sometimes three; but today, she wanted to treat herself.

It was her twentieth birthday, after all


	2. Happy Birthday

Happy birthday

"Open mine next!" Caroline exclaimed, clapping her hands excitedly. The loud noise pierced through the nice fog covering Elena's mind, and she winced, holding back the urge to cover her ears.

Elena smiled at her and reached for the hot pink, sparkly wrapping paper covered box, which screamed Caroline all over it. She ripped the paper off to reveal a small box, and she opened it while feeling her friend watching her eagerly.

Inside was a silver chain with a crescent moon shaped pendent on the end. Elena picked it up gently, holding it up to the light.

"It's beautiful, Caroline. Thank you." She said sincerely, already working to put it on.

"And that's not all." Her best friend squealed, and reached under the top of her blouse to pull out a necklace, which had a gold sun shaped pendent.

"They go together, see?" She said, reaching over to grab Elena's necklace. She lined up the moon to fit around the sun, which went together effortlessly. "They're friendship necklaces!"

"I don't know what to say, Caroline. These must have cost a fortune." Elena noted, again attempting to hook the chain around her neck. With the pills coursing through her still, her fingers scrabbled clumsily around the hook. She suddenly felt hands come up behind her and then the necklace fell against her neck. She forced a smile at the gesture. Stefan smiled back.

"Oh, it's no biggie. Anyways, you got me all eight seasons of Supernatural, and I know that must have cost a lot." Caroline replied.

"Which you finished watching in, what, a week?" Matt chimed in teasingly. Caroline glared at him playfully.

"Alright, Stefan next!" She said, reaching over to grab a green wrapped square, which Elena guessed was a book.

She smiled at her boyfriend while unwrapping it, and looked down to see a dark blue hardback journal, with her initials engraved in gold in the middle. The pages were creamy and thick, and she ran her fingers over it.

"Stefan..." She started

"I know you needed a new one." He replied, smiling at her softly.

She smiled back and leaned forward to kiss him. His lips were cold against hers, passionless; just like they'd been for the last year. Elena pulled away, not missing the look that flashed through his eyes.

"Alright, you've opened everybody's, right? There was mine, Stefan's, Matt's..." She counted on her fingers, the stopped and turned to Jeremy, who was hunched over by Matt, avoiding everyone's eyes.

"Jeremy, where's yours?" Caroline demanded. When he didn't respond right away, she crossed her arms. "You didn't get your own sister a present?! Jer-"

"I got her one, okay? I'm giving it to her later." Her interrupted, shooting a quick glance at Stefan and then looking away again. Caroline narrowed her eyes.

"Okay, well, fine then. Be mysterious. Now lets get to the shots!"

Elena turned to look at Jeremy, who was busy furiously texting on his phone. Huh.

* * *

Hours later, after everyone had gone home and the bottle of tequila had been emptied, Elena lay in her bed, nodding. This was her favorite thing about the pills; after the initial high starts to wane, a very wonderful thing happens. You're not quite asleep, but not quite awake; you're just... floating. Floating to anywhere you'd like to be, thinking of anything you'd like to think, which was accompanied by a feeling of complete euphoria.

So Elena lay, basking in the feeling with images a blue eyes running through her head hazily. Dark hair against cream skin. Long lashes brushing against flawless cheeks. Smirks and smiles. Bourbon scented breath. Worn leather jackets. _A love that consumes..._

"Elena."

A voice was ripping her away from the foggy pleasure, and she opened her eyes to see Jeremy standing in her doorway, the moonlight illuminating his figure.

"Ready for your present?"

Elena blinked her eyes a few times and looked over at the clock. 1:21.

"Why couldn't you just give it to me earlier...?" She asked, her voice hoarse.

"You'll see. Now get up and follow me."

Elena had no desire to move. With the euphoria still coursing through her, all she wanted was to close her eyes and go back to the place she was before.

Suddenly, Jeremy yanked on her arm, pulling her out of bed. "Come on. I did not spend months planning this only to have you not feel like getting out of bed." He said, annoyance heavy in his tone. He grabbed a cardigan that was hung over a chair and threw it to her.

"Put that on, it's cold outside."

"Why are we going outside?" She asked groggily as he lead her through the house. Jeremy didn't respond, and when they reached the front door he opened it and pushed her out. The cold air immediately slapped her in the face, and she quickly turned around to go back in, but Jeremy had already slammed the door.

"Jeremy!" She yelled, confused and angry. She tightened the sweater around her shoulders and turned around, looking for anything that could be a potential 'present'.

At first, she didnt see the black figure leaning against the side of the house. But when she saw movement out of the corner of her eye, she jumped up, startled.

The person stepped forward slightly, and the moonlight hit their face. Azure eyes shone at her, hair black as night sticking up in different directions. All of the air left Elena's lungs.

"Happy birthday, Elena." He spoke.

"...Damon?" She asked softly, squinting her eyes at him. Was she dreaming? Was this another heavy nod off that she has whenever she takes too many painkillers?

But the winter air felt cold and real against her skin, and she could feel the pain of her fingernails digging into her palms. And those eyes... There was no mistaking those eyes. She had tried, countless times in the last two years, to get the exact shade right in her mind, but it was never quite perfect. And there they were, exactly as she remembered them.

His lips turned up, amused. "...Elena" he mocked, making his voice breathless and confused, just as hers had been. She narrowed her eyes. and blinked several times, taking in his form. There was the leather jacket, the black jeans and navy blue button up that had always been one of his signature outfits. And just like that, she was completely sober.

"God, Damon...? I, It's... It's been so long. I can't believe your here. Jeremy asked you to come, didn't he?" The words tumbled out effortlessly.

Damon shrugged. "He might've mentioned something about your birthday, and booz, too. Although I haven't seen the latter yet." He spoke, looking around as if to see a bottle of Bourbon lying nearby.

She smiled, and she couldn't stop herself from inching closer to him, step by step until he took the hint and opened his arms. She fell into them like she's been waiting for it for ages. It felt like it, at least.

* * *

_**A/N: Good? Bad? I'm not too sure myself. I feel like the show leaves out the real aspects of life, which I guess is acceptable, considering it's a show about vampires. But I wanted to write something that has both reality and fantasy in it, and this is my attempt at that. If you're into angsty Delena fics then this is for you; if not, well, read anyways if you want. Still not too sure about this, so if you're interested in me continuing drop off a few reviews? I'd really appreciate it! Thanks for taking the time to read!**_


	3. She's Coming Undone

"So how did Jeremy get your number, anyways?" Elena asked what felt like the thousandth question, leaning back on the porch swing where she was sitting. Damon was next to her, and even though they had been locked in an embrace for about ten minutes, he now sat as far away from her as possible.

She watched his index finger trace the lips of the flask that he had been drinking out of. When he didn't answer, Elena guessed what she had assumed for the last two years.

"You gave him your new number before you left, didn't you?" She asked, a smile playing around her lips. She knew he wouldn't just leave without giving someone a way to contact him in case a new war settled over Mystic Falls. And as stupid and selfish as it sounded, Elena had continually wondered when something would happen so that the world would deliver him back to her.

Damon shrugged and took another swig, leaning his head on his hand. Elena noticed a braided leather band tied around his wrist, and wondered exactly when Damon had started wearing accessories.

When he opened his mouth, Elena knew he was going to change the subject. "So, 20 huh? In one year, you can legally buy alcohol." He said, waggling his eyebrows and gesturing to the flask in his hand.

Elena scoffed, "I guess. Not that I really need to, I have Caroline for that." She thought of the time she went to the liquor store with her blond best friend, filling the buggy up with assorted booz and Caroline's pupils contracting when the worker asked for her I.D.

He made a mock, disgusted look. "Ugh, Caroline. I'm _so _glad I got here after she left. Not to mention my brother." He shivered.

She rolled her eyes, not buying it. "Whatever. I know you're just dying to see the whole motley crew."

Damon was silent for a moment, then raised his eyes and let them linger over her. This time, Elena was the one to shiver. "Speaking of my brother." He cleared his throat. "Is he still the light of your life? Fire of your loins? Does he-"

"I get it." She interrupted, his references towards her and Stefan making her uncomfortable. "And yeah, I guess."

"You guess?" He asked, quirking up an eyebrow.

"I mean, of course. Things are great." She corrected, hoping the doubtful look in his eyes would go away. It didn't.

"Uh huh. Whatever you say." He concluded, then stood up. As soon as he did, the cold air that Elena had been studiously ignoring hit her hard.

"Where are you going?" She immediately asked, knowing her voice sounded desperate but still hoping it didn't.

"I should get going. You know, before my brother catches wind that I'm here. I heard news travels fast in small towns." He whispered as if the term was new to him. Elena shot up, getting dizzy for a moment but ignoring it.

"But you just got here! I mean, I thought-"

"You thought what, Elena?" He asked softly, staring intently down at the flask as he screwed the cap back on. "Thought I was back for good? I came to wish you happy birthday, because your punk little brother wouldn't stop calling me for days. That's all."

"'That's all'?" She repeated. "You drove God knows how many miles just to wish me happy birthday and then leave? That doesn't sound like you at all."

"Don't talk like you know me, Elena. You never have, never will. End of story." He suddenly snapped, and Elena felt like he had just slapped her in the face. He started walking over to his car, which still looked exactly the same and brought up all sort of painful, nostalgic memories inside of her.

"Fine!" She called, suddenly angry. "Just run away like you did last time. Whatever you're running away to, I hope it's better than being here!" She continued, not really knowing what she was yelling about but knowing that it felt good. She suddenly thought about the bracelet on his arm, and wondered who gave it to him. Her eyes teared up and she turned around, wanting to take all the pills she had and pass out in her bed. When she did, he was in front of her.

"I'm not running away." His hands cupped her neck, and then her face. Damon's hands burned into her skin, something she hadn't felt in a very long time. "I'm keeping my promise." He murmured so low that she could barely make it out. She looked up at him, confused. He didn't explain, and she felt his lips press into her forehead. Her eyes fluttered close.

He sighed into her skin. "Goodbye, Elena." She felt him say against her, and then his car was revving up and disappearing around the corner.

She doesn't know how long she stood there, his words echoing in her head and his touch a ghost on her skin. Eventually, she became aware that her fingers were on the verge of frostbite and she turned around to stomp inside.

Jeremy was sitting on the stairs. He took a look at her face and looked away. "You okay?"

"No." She answered immediately, her voice hard as she marched up the stairs. At last minute, she spun around. "Why would you think bringing him back here was a good idea?"

"I... wanted to do something nice for you. Something that would, I don't know, bring some life back into you? And it worked, I guess."

"How?!" She screeched.

"You're angry." He replied, a smile on his lips. "You haven't been angry in a long time. You haven't really been anything in a long time." Jeremy sighed, then stood up and walked past her to his room. A moment later, she heard _Black Ops _start up.

Elena felt her blood boil, her cheeks redden and her eyes water, all tell-tale things that happened when she got angry. And Jeremy was right, she hadn't felt this much in a long time. In exactly two years, to be exact.

* * *

"You're still having back pains, Elena?" Meredith asked her, her hand feeling around on Elena's back. Elena pretended to wince, and shrunk away from the doctor's hand.

"Yeah, they've gotten worse, it seems like." Elena said, letting her voice mimic the way Caroline's got when she was acting in the theater class she had taken with her at the local University.

Meredith frowned. "I want you to have another x-ray. I know the last one came up negative, but there might be something we missed."

Internally, Elena groaned, annoyed. She didn't let it show. "Whatever you think, Meredith. I told Stefan I'd meet up with him in about twenty minutes, but if-"

"We can do it another time, then." Meredith intercepted, smiling in a motherly way at Elena and picking up her script pad. _Finally_.

"I'm gonna raise the dosage, so you should only have to take one or two for the pain. And hide them from that brother of your's." Meredith reprimanded scribbling on the paper before ripping it off and handing it to Elena.

"Of course. I don't know what's gotten into him, lately. He's been clean for years." She replied, taking the paper and tucking it safely in her pocket.

"He's been through a lot; you both have." Meredith sighed, getting up to walk Elena to the lobby. "And I want to see you back here next week for that x-ray."

"Of course!" Elena said, smiling thankfully at Meredith before rushing out to her car.

The prescription she had hadn't lasted nearly as long as the other ones had, so in her panicked state she had blamed it on Jeremy. And yes, she felt horrible about it. But it wasn't as if people wouldn't believe her. He had, after all, spent an entire year known as a stoner/pill-popper and she had always been just innocent Elena Gilbert. _  
_

Of course there was no such thing as back pains. There had been, at first. She had slipped and fallen on ice in front of the Grill, and when her back ached the next day, she had ignored Stefan's offer of blood and went to Meredith. The doctor had prescribed her twenty small hydrocodone pills, with one refill, and told her to come back if the pain persisted. And naturally, that's how it began.

And also naturally, Elena hated thinking it.

Thirty minutes later, when the orange bottle was safely stored in the glove compartment in her car and she had three pills going down her throat, she parked outside the boarding house. This was the first time she was to see Stefan after Damon's impromptu visit, and she just hoped he wouldn't be able to tell that something was wrong with her.

Elena scoffed to herself. _Doubtful, _she thought, _when has ever been able to tell something's wrong with me? _

Elena hated thinking bad thoughts about her boyfriend, but it had happened more and more lately, and for the most stupid reasons.

She was in the middle of making herself feel peppy when she spotted something blue. The garage door was partially open, and she saw a robin's egg blue bumper, with a black hood. She knew that car.

Excitement suddenly rose up inside her and she frantically dug for her phone in the bottom of her bag. There was just one text, from this morning shortly after she had left for the doctor. It was from Stefan.

**_Damon's home._**

She looked up at her reflection in her car's rear view mirror. Her eyelids were droopy, her pupils looked empty and her skin was pale. She looked high as hell and even if she knew Stefan couldn't tell, she knew Damon would without a doubt.

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**_A/N: Hey guys! Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed, favorited and followed. It made me feels loads better about posting this story, and I'm glad to know that even if a lot of you aren't into angst, you're giving this a chance. Please tell me what you think, whether it's good or bad, and I'm always open to ideas. I'm actually really excited for this story!_**


	4. In the Flesh

Shoving the sunglasses further up her nose, Elena took another deep breath and pushed the front door open. Although she had just seen Damon last night, seeing him again today seemed much more real with the sunlight blaring down on her head than it had before, when she was half drunk, half high and barely awake. Truthfully, she had wondered if she had really dreamed the whole thing up; it just seemed too etheral to be real. The moon had been high in the sky, casting a pearly glow on Damon's skin, his black hair blending into the inky night, and his eyes glowing into a color of blue that Elena didn't think existed on the color chart.

The foyer was empty as she walked through it, and as she walked closer to the parlor, she heard muttered voices and froze, slowing her breathing so she could listen.

"-didn't tell her, did you?"

"-need to know. Why would she? The point is that-"

"I know the point, Stefan. You've made it _very_ clear."

Suddenly, she'd had enough. Of course the first thing they'd talk about the moment Damon stepped through the door was her. Didn't they ever have anything non-related to her to say to each other? It felt vain to think it, but somehow she doubted it.

When she stepped through the archway, Stefan looked surprised to see her there, whereas Damon looked like he knew she was there the whole time, which barely surprised Elena.

"Elena, I didn't know if you had gotten my text-"

"I got it." She replied, not looking at him and staring at his brother. Damon was lounging on the couch, drink in hand and hair messy, like he had been up all night.

"Hi." She said.

He waggled his fingers at her; obviously drunk. That worked fine for her, maybe he'd be less insightful and not notice the shadows under her eyes or her shaking hands.

"You know... you're hair looks different from when I saw it last night." Damon spoke and stood up, brushing past her to pour another drink.

Although she wasn't looking at him, she knew that Stefan had frozen.

"You saw her last night...?" He asked, drawing his eyebrows together and staring between then suspiciously.

"Yeah, after her birthday party, of course." He taunted, his eyes mocking but his face serious.

Stefan looked at her. "...Elena?"

She looked down, wondering if they could see her eyes through the glasses. "Jeremy called him."

"Why?" Stefan asked. Elena didn't know how to answer.

"It doesn't matter." She whispered, suddenly tired of this whole affair. She yanked the glasses off, staring up at Stefan. "What matters is that he's back. Your brother's home; you should be happy." _I know I am, _the thought came out of nowhere. She ignored it.

"See. At least_ someone's_ happy to see me." Damon murmured, and she felt his arm sling around her shoulder. He smelt heavily of bourbon, but she still found herself inhaling greedily like it was the best smell in the world. Unaware, she leaned against him. Stefan's eyes narrowed.

"I... need some air. I'll be back later." Stefan muttered and maneuvered around them, heading towards the door.

"I'll alert the squirrels." Damon mock whispered in her ear. Stefan ignored him and a moment later he was gone.

"Well, that was tense." Damon said once the door was shut and shrank away from her, scooping up his drink. She watched him, once again feeling 100% sober in his presence. "Maybe I shouldn't have gotten so drunk, it usually pisses him off even more, but then again, that's why I do it." He said with a satisfied smirk, leaning back on the couch.

"You shouldn't provoke him like that, you'll be at each other's throats in no time." Elena chided, sitting on a chaise and fixing her eyes on his fingers curled around his glass. She'd never noticed before, but his fingers were long and elegant, and although she had never had an artistic bone in her body, she suddenly felt the urge to sketch them.

Damon scoffed. "When are we _not _at each other's throats?"

Elena shrugged, and he smiled, knowing she didn't have an answer.

Suddenly, the question she had been wanting to ask sprung up. "What were you guys talking about when you said you Stefan hasn't told me?"

"Eavesdropping now, Elena? You know what they say about eaves-"

"I know you knew I was there." She cut him off and continued, "And last night, you said something about keeping your promise? What did that mean?" Elena asked.

"Brother problems; you wouldn't understand." He snarked, taking another long gulp.

"Well, it obviously has something to do with me. I think I should-"

"Why don't you ask Stefan, hmm? He's the one who's been keeping secrets." Damon interrupted, draining his drink and standing up. When he brushed past her to go upstairs, she caught his wrist.

"I'm glad you stayed. I don't know why you did, but I'm really glad." She whispered on instinct; the pills usually caused her to do things on impulse.

Damon paused, and he looked at her. Elena realized his eyes were clear, instead of hazy like she expected from the bourbon he'd been drinking. He stared at her softly at first, looking like he was ready to reply, but then he squinted a little at her. Elena knew that look. His eyes flickered from her dilated pupils to the dark marks under her eyes.

"You okay?" He asked cautiously, sizing her up.

Elena blinked a few times. Suddenly, all she wanted to do was confess to everything. The pills, the emptiness she felt constantly, the black hole of depression that sucked her in deeper and deeper each day. Damon would understand, he always understood. He wouldn't judge her or berate her. Maybe he could help.

But as soon as she thought it, her courage drained away and she swallowed, her mouth dry. "I'm fine." She whispered.

He stared at her for a beat longer, and she already knew he didn't believe it. But in a very unlikely-Damon moment, he didn't press any further.

He started walking away again, and Elena's heart ached; she didn't want him out of her sight. He'd been gone for what seemed like twenty years, one of the few people she still had left, and the fear of him leaving again left her feeling sick.

But he turned around in the doorway and looked at her with a smile. "Wanna help me unpack? You can sort out my underwear, like I know you've been _dying _to do since you've met me."

Elena scoffed, but her insides warmed, and Elena knew that that had nothing to do with the pills. She followed him upstairs.

* * *

_**A/n: Hi guys! Sorry about the little delay on this chapter, I've been trying to update fairly quickly since my chapters are never particularly long, but I've just been wrapped up in Christmas. You can expect another update within a day or two, I promise! Again, thanks so much for anyone who read, followed, favorited and especially reviewed! You guys are awesome! Hope you all had a great Christmas and I'll see you at the next chapter! Don't forget to drop off a review!**_


	5. Hidden Wishes

Elena stuffed yet another pair of identical white socks into the middle drawer of Damon's dresser, then reached down to fold another pair, again trying to keep herself from breathing in the smell of his room greedily.

It's not as if she hadn't been in here since he'd left. Of course she had. In those first few weeks after he left, when Elena kept telling herself he'd show up any day now, she would sneak up here when Stefan went to hunt or when he'd take long showers. At first, she'd just plop down on his bed, face first and grip the sheets, imagining that night which was half awful, half magical when she had clutched his weakened body to hers, wiping the sweat from his brow and then finally kissing him. Other times, she'd venture into his closet and slip on one of the few leather jackets that hung up. Then she'd sink down, bury her face in the smell and try and not think about what she was doing.

But then as more weeks passed, which eventually turned into months, she had slowly stopped coming back. It was just too painful; although most of his possessions had been gone, the room still screamed Damon, and the yearning to have him back here was so strong it made her feel sick.

She remembers one particular night, shortly after her 'habit' had begun to get worse, when she stumbled in here, flying high and feeling emotional. Elena had dug through his drawers until she found a bottle of bourbon, then she had sunk down into the enormous, empty bath tub and chugged it. Then she had started crying, because the taste of the alcohol reminded her of him so much that it caused her to go into hysterics. And that's how Stefan and Caroline found her an hour later; clutching a nearly empty bottle of bourbon with tear tracks staining her cheeks and fingernails digging deeply into her palm. They carried her back to Stefan's room, tucked her into his bed and it was never mentioned again.

Now that she thinks of it, that had been the anniversary of Miss Mystic Falls. She vaguely remembers watching the couples dance, their hands barely touching while Elena tried not to think about what _they _had looked like dancing. She remembers Stefan looking at her and asking what was wrong, and her sneaking out to her car while he wasn't paying attention.

Elena snapped herself back to the present. At least he was back now; she always knew he'd returned soon. And for whatever reason he was back, she didn't care.

_You care, _a tiny a voice whispered in her head, _you want to be the reason. _

Elena jumped up, only to realize that Damon was right behind her, looking pointedly at her. Had she said something out loud?

"You don't have to fold the socks." He finally said, gesturing to the drawer behind her. "They're all the same for a reason, Elena."

He turned around and went back to hanging up clothes, humming under his breath. Elena begged her heart to calm down.

A few moments later, bored with the socks, Elena looked around and spied a laundry basket by the door filled with wrinkled clothes. She walked over to it. "Are these dirty?" She asked, turning back to look at the closet, where she knew he'd hear her.

"Yup."

She picked it up to take it to the washing machine, but he called out after her. "Don't mix the black and whites!"

"You don't have any whites!" She shot back and continued on her way. Once she was down the stairs, she bumped into someone and looked up to find Stefan. Hadn't he gone hunting? Elena looked at the clock; that was nearly two hours ago.

Stefan looked from her to the basket in her arms, with various dark colored cloth in it. "Doing some laundry?" He asked, like he was suspicious. _No, actually Stefan me and your brother were upstairs plotting against you to ruin your life, _she answered sarcastically in her head, then felt guilty about it and worked to soften her facial features.

"Yeah, I'm just helping Damon unpack and everything." She said cheerfully. "After you bolted from the house I didn't really have anything better to do."

He softened at that. "Sorry, you know Damon just makes me tense." Stefan sighed, "I've gotten so used to him being gone."

She was about to reply when that reminded her of something, and she wondered how to bring it up. Asking Damon about it had been easier; but then again, pretty much everything with him was.

"When I came in earlier, I heard you guys talking." She started, "Damon said something about you not telling me something? I was just wondering what he was talking about."

Stefan blinked, and for a moment, he looked angry. He shot an annoyed look up the stairs, but when he saw Elena's raised eye brow, he deflated. "I probably should've told you a while ago, or when it happened..."

"Told me what?"

He was quiet for a moment, then sighed. "Before Damon left town, before you chose me that night, we made this deal." When she didn't respond, he went on. "The deal was that whoever you didn't choose would... leave town, therefore letting the other be happy. Obviously you know what happened after."

Elena didn't breath, different emotions settling over her rapidly. "Who's idea was it?" She asked quietly.

"Mine." He replied, equally as quiet. Anger settled over her like snow, cold and jolting. Stefan had known how much she missed Damon, yet he never said anything? Like how _he _was the reason he had left, when the whole time Elena had thought it had been her? Elena set down the laundry basket and headed towards the door, ignoring Stefan when he called out her name. She didn't stop until she was safely in her car, where she calmly swallowed two more pills with a bottle of water and then she pulled out the driveway.

* * *

Later that night, Elena lay in her bed, bright lights twinkling around in her mind slowly. When she felt a familiar hand press against her cheek, she thought she was dreaming. She grabbed the hand and pressed it to her lips. Somewhere in her room a breath caught.

"...Elena?"

A voice was abruptly yanking her out of the nice place she was currently at, and she unwillingly blinked her eye open, immediately seeing blue. She jumped a little, startled. "Damon?"

"Hey." He said, looking squarely into her eyes even in the darkened room. Elena could feel him studying her dilated pupils, could hear the question in his head, but again, he didn't comment.

"What are you doing here?" She whispered. He sighed and flopped down on the bed next to her; her skin erupted in goosebumps.

"Stefan wanted me to check on you." He shrugged. Elena narrowed her eyes angrily at the mention of his brother. Damon noticed.

"Look, Elena, you shouldn't be angry at Stefan." He started, turning his head to look at her. "I would have left, anyways. Even if Stefan and I hadn't made the deal, I would have left."

Elena paused, and looked up at the ceiling. She could feel his breath on her shoulder. "Would you have left if I had chosen you?"

"Huh?" He replied, confused.

"If I had chosen _you, _would you have left town?" She asked, knowing what his answer would be.

"No. Of course not." He replied so quietly she barely heard him. Something in his tone made her insides wilt.

"I don't think you would have either, and I don't think Stefan would have."

Damon didn't reply for a moment, and Elena thought he was dropping it. A minute later though he spoke. "It doesn't matter, because that's not what happened." He finally said.

_Sometimes I wish it is, _she thought, and didn't even feel guilty about it a moment later.

* * *

_**A/N: Hey guys, sorry for the slight delay. This is kind of a filler chapter, because I felt really stuck on writing the other half of it. Hopefully my inspiration gets flowing soon! Again, thanks for reading guys. Please drop a review off!**_


	6. The Truth Will Set You Free

Elena's phone lit up for the sixth time that evening, but she didn't both checking who it was. She already knew who it was.

Stefan had been calling her nonstop since she had stomped out of the boarding house after hearing the news that _he_ had been the one who had suggested that idiotic deal between him and his brother.

It frustrated her to no end. How could they just so blindly make a deal that had so much impact on her without even _telling_ her about it? She could picture it so easily: Stefan acting so selfless and offering to leave town if Elena had chosen his brother instead, that way Damon felt compelled to do the same. She hadn't even had to ask who's idea it was, the whole thing screamed Stefan all over it.

Caroline and Bonnie talked obliviously while she sat lost in her own thoughts. Bonnie was visiting from Atlanta where she was currently taking classes, and normally, Elena would have been all over the chance to catch up. But right now, she could barely even keep up with her own thoughts, let alone pretend to care about the cute boy Bonnie had met in her psychology class.

"Oh my god, what the hell is _he_ doing here?" Caroline screeched, yanking Elena out of her thoughts. The blond's gaze was trained at the bar from where they were sitting in a booth at the Grille. Elena turned around.

Damon sat at the bar, his ever present glass of bourbon sitting in front of him. Elena's heart sped up.

"Did you know he was here?" Caroline asked her, glaring at her like it was somehow her fault.

"I guess I forgot to tell you." She shrugged, and turned to look back it him. Elena noticed he was talking to someone, and she struggled to swallow around the lump in her throat when she saw who it was. Meredith Fell.

"But why is he back?" Caroline asked, but Elena was already standing up and walking over to the bar. The two looked too deep into conversation, and her stomach turned with nervousness.

Elena slid up next to Damon, eyeing Meredith warily.

The doctor smiled at the sight of her, "Elena! I was just telling Damon about the back problems you were having, but how the x-ray came up negative." She said, shooting her a sympathetic look.

"And I was just telling Meredith how weird that was. Usually a bone is fractured-"

She cut Damon off quickly, "What would you know about it?" She asked sourly, feeling more uncomfortable by the minute.

Damon blinked innocently at her. "I've been to medical school twice, Elena."

"Where'd you go?" Meredith asked him, a jealous undertone in her voice.

"John Hopkins and Harvard." He simpered. Meredith fired off eager questions about Harvard while Damon stared at Elena, answering them easily. His eyes gleamed knowingly, and the look he was giving her rang with _we'll talk about this later._ Elena turned around and walked back over to Caroline and Bonnie, his stare following her the whole way.

* * *

Later that evening, Elena scrubbed at her skin roughly in the shower, barely feeling it because of the painkillers she'd taken an hour earlier. All day she had been distracting herself, pushing away the inevitable knowledge that sooner or later Damon was going to catch up with her. She had gone shopping with Caroline and Bonnie, played video games with Jeremy and now she was set on grooming herself until there was nothing left to do. Her eyebrows were already plucked, her legs shaven and now she was working on scrubbing her skin and hair until it glowed.

Of course Elena knew that he knew that there was already something up. It was Damon, after all. But he hadn't yet known what that thing was; for all he knew she could have been smoking pot with Jeremy. Now, thanks to Meredith, he probably already had a good understanding of what it was.

Wasn't there some kind of privacy law about not dispelling patient's information, anyways? If Meredith hadn't opened her mouth, then this wouldn't be happening, at least not today. Elena felt guilt rush over her; Meredith had been nothing but nice to her lately.

She turned the shower off and stepped out, brushed her teeth and then slipped on her pajamas. No, this wasn't Meredith's fault. It was nobody's but her own, and if she was being completely honest with herself, she was glad that Damon was the one to find out first. It could have been Jeremy, or even worse, Caroline.

Elena walked out of the bathroom, drying her hair while her mind distracted itself. When she looked up, there was a dark figure standing by her bed. Elena jumped, then calmed when she saw who it was.

"Hey." She said, not bothering to ask why he was here.

Damon didn't answer her, just stared down at something in his hand, his eyebrows drawn together. Elena stepped closer to see what it was, and when she did, her heart sped up nervously. He was holding an orange prescription bottle, with her name typed across the front.

"I was wondering why you've been acting so ditsy lately." He said, switching his gaze to her. Elena's mouth opened to defend herself, to tell him that her back really _did_ hurt, but the skepticism in his eyes stopped her. There was no way he'd believe her.

She deflated, not knowing what to say. He stood up, "Elena-"

"I know, okay?" She suddenly said, "I know it's bad, I know I shouldn't do it, but you can't understand how they just make everything better sometimes. I really don't take them that much, only sometimes." Elena lied, the words leaving her mouth before she gave them permission.

Damon narrowed his eyes, and an unreadable look settled over his features. "How long?"

She sighed and stared at the floor, not wanting to look at his probing eyes anymore. "A little over a year."

"I guess Meredith's not as smart as I thought she was." He mused, and reached his hand down to his pocket, where he slipped the bottle. Elena's eyes followed the movement.

"No, Damon-"

"Elena, you can't turn to drugs for your problems." He spoke quietly, "It never leads to anywhere good."

Elena's eyes watered, because she knew he was right. She _was _turning to drugs for her problems, and now she was too deep in to get herself out without a mess. And the worse part was, even though she knew she should want to stop, she just _didn't._

She felt his hands settle on her face, his fingers pressing into the tear tracks that she was unaware of before. "Look," He sighed, "I shouldn't have left, I didn't _want _to leave you. I guess I just felt like I owed it to you to be happy with Stefan, after everything that you had been through."

Elena blinked, caught off guard by his words. Then she realized what the look on his face was; he felt _guilty. _He thought it was his fault.

She reached out to touch his cheek, "Damon-"

"Just let me finish." He interrupted, batting her hand away. "I told you I wasn't going to leave you again, then I broke that promise, when it should have been much more important to me than anything I promised to Stefan. But I won't break it again." He promised, reaching down to hold her hand between the two of his.

Elena couldn't find any words, the icy blue of his eyes rendering her speechless. He closed in on her, and for a split second, Elena thought he was going to kiss her. She kept her eyes on his lips, thinking that any minute they were going to touch hers, but instead she felt them touch her forehead. Déjà vu washed over her strongly. She blinked in confusion when he pressed his forehead to hers. Then, he pulled away.

"Come on." He said brightly, with no trace of the Damon that was there a second ago. He grabbed her hand and started pulling her to the door. "Jeremy needs extra players in _Super Smash Brothers."_

Elena followed him blindly, his guilt ridden face burning in her head.

* * *

_**A/N: Hoped you guys liked this chapter, and I can't wait to write the next one. Shout-out to siberia21 for being my beta reader, you're awesome! Thanks for reading guys and don't forget to drop off a review!**_


	7. Whole

Elena woke up to a world of pain.

She could barely think past the heavy pounding in her head, the way her stomach was incessantly turning, or how every bone and muscle in her body seemed to ache with a dull sharpness that made her gasp.

Managing to open her eyes, she saw that the sun was shining brilliantly through the window, and she looked at her clock. 2:00 pm. Had she really slept that long?

Hot, she yanked the covers off of her and swiped at the sweat on her forehead. A moment later, a freezing gust of wind seemed to penetrate her body and she pulled the covers back on, only to push them back off again.

What was wrong with her? She needed water, and some aspirin, too. Yes, aspirin would fix this...

Suddenly, her stomach rose up in her throat and she jumped up and ran to the bathroom, shoving the door open despite the light coming from underneath telling her that it was occupied.

"Elena, get out!" Jeremy exclaimed, covering up his bare chest. Elena pushed past him and threw up her insides in the toilet. She felt Jeremy's concern as he pulled her hair back from her face.

After what seemed like hours, she rested her head on the cool porcelain and wrapped her arms around herself, freezing. Sleep, that's what she wanted.

Jeremy hovered around her while she tried to make herself stand. Again, muscle pains seized her body and she groaned. The last thing she thought before she blacked out was that she really just wanted some water.

* * *

Minutes or hours later, Elena came to. She heard her name being spoken, so she kept her eyes shut and feigned sleep.

"-just ran into the bathroom and started puking, and then she fainted. Maybe she has the stomach flu...?"

"Maybe." She heard another voice say, sounding doubtful. And despite how awful she felt, her insides fluttered nervously.

"Should I call Meredith?" Jeremy asked. Elena panicked at that name, and her heart picked up. She heard Damon pause, and she knew he knew that she was awake.

"No." He replied, and she loved him. "Not yet. Go get her some water, Jer." Damon demanded, and something in his voice made Jeremy comply, because his footsteps headed to the door a moment later.

"Jeremy." He called, and paused. "Thanks for calling me back here." Elena knew he wasn't just talking about today.

Jeremy didn't reply and she heard him shuffle downstairs.

"I know you're awake." Damon said, and she felt his finger trail down her cheek, leaving a path of heat in its wake.

Elena let her eyes flutter open, and she immediately met his clear, blue ones. She had missed those eyes; no one else she had ever met had eyes like him, where the lightness of them contrasted the darkness brewing underneath. She had dreamt of those eyes, in one way or another, every night that he had been gone.

"Damon." She croaked out, grasping at his hand. "I feel awful... What's wrong with me?"

Damon sighed and turned to look at the door, as if checking that Jeremy was still downstairs. Satisfied that no one was there, he turned back to her.

"Are you having hot and cold flashes? Muscle pains?" He asked, all business. Elena widened her eyes at his guesses, which were right on.

"Yes, how did you-"

"You're going through withdrawals, Elena."

She blinked, sounding the word out in her head. Withdrawals seemed like such a foreign concept, something she never thought she would have to go through. Weren't withdrawals for junkies, or crack heads? She had never done crack, and she blanched at the idea of sticking a needle in her arm.

As if sending her confusion, Damon spoke up. "You've been taking those pills consistently for over a year, Elena. Of course you're going to have withdrawal symptoms."

"Symptoms? Damon, these aren't just symptoms. I feel like death." She groaned, and pushed the covers off of her when heat seized her.

Damon sighed and put his cool hand on her forehead, wiping off the sweat with tenderness. She shut her eyes, feeling a little better.

Jeremy walked into the room, a tall glass of water with ice clutched in his hand. His eyes moved from Damon and Elena's hands, which were intertwined on the bed to Damon's other hand caressing her face. He wordlessly handed the water to Elena and backed out of the room.

Once she had drunk almost the whole glass, she set it down on her nightstand and looked at him. She took a deep breath.

"Damon-"

"No."

"You don't even know what I was going to say." She protested.

"Yes, I do. You want me to hand you back your orange bottle of obliviousness and turn a blind eye. And my answer is no."

"Damon, you don't understand." She started, struggling to sit up as if she was climbing a mountain.

"Of course I do." He replied, and reached out to pile her pillows behind her so that she could rest back comfortably. "The opiate dens in the thirties were _amazing_."

She glared at him, and pulled her hand away from his to cross her arms.

"Fine, maybe I'll just go back to Meredith then, and tell her I accidentally spilt my prescription down the sink."

Damon smirked coolly and mimicked her movements and crossed his arms. "You do that. I'll go to _Mer_, who, by the way, seems to have become my new drinking buddy, and tell her exactly how innocent little Elena Gilbert got addicted to drugs."

Elena flinched, "You wouldn't."

"You know I would." He replied without pausing. It was true, she knew he would. Damon had always been ruthless when it came to her well-being.

Elena stared at him defiantly for a beat longer, then blinked and sunk down into her bed. Tears clouded her eyes, because she knew he was right, for Damon was always right. This wasn't supposed to be her life.

"Elena." Damon started, and brushed a lock of hair away from her face "You're going to be fine. The pills will leave your system in a few days, and then you'll feel normal. I promise."

"Sometimes I don't like feeling normal." She replied without thinking. And it was true, wasn't it? She didn't like feeling normal, and that's why she had turned to the pills in the first place.

Damon didn't reply and instead just held her hand, rubbing his thumb over her knuckles soothingly. Elena closed her eyes, suddenly tired again.

"Don't leave." She murmured as sleep covered her like a blanket. Damon replied that he wouldn't, and Elena fell asleep thinking that she hadn't had a single thought of Stefan for days.

* * *

As if being doused by a bucket of freezing water, Elena shot up in bed and searched for her comforter desperately. Muscle pains seized her and she cried out, tears rolling down her cheeks. Arms grabbed her and she fell against a solid chest, writhing with discomfort.

"Mom?" She croaked out, delirious.

Hands rubbed her shoulders and her beloved duvet was suddenly wrapped around her. "Shhh." A deep voice murmured. "It's me, Elena."

"I don't feel good." She breathed, clutching at the warm body next to her.

"I know." Damon whispered. A hand covered her forehead and she leaned into it. "Your fever has sky rocketed," he said, his voice dripping with concern.

Elena scrabbled at her skin with her nails, desperately trying to distract herself from the pain that radiated throughout her bones. Hands seized her own and held them down. "Stop it, Elena. You're hurting yourself."

Elena moaned and sobbed. Never had she felt anything like this.

Damon held her tightly to himself, anchoring her body to his own. She turned and buried her face in his neck. "Mom..." She cried.

A moment later she heard an odd sound, and then something warm and gushing was pressed to her lips.

"Drink, Elena."

She obeyed without hesitating, thinking of the times when she was sick and her mother would spoon that cherry flavored syrup in her mouth. But whatever this was didn't taste like artificial cherries, and it was hot and thick as it slid down her throat.

At each swallow, Elena's pains dulled down. His hand pulled away, and she protested weakly.

"That's enough." He said. Damon. Not her mother, but Damon.

Feeling better than she had in a long time, Elena sunk down into his arms and turned her face into his shirt, breathing in.

"Go to sleep." He whispered, and she did, feeling a little bit whole, more whole than she could remember feeling in awhile.

* * *

_**A/N: Hi! Sorry for the huge delay, but I had MAJOR writer's block when it came to this chapter. I kept writing and then rewriting it, and it never felt good enough. But finally, here it is, thanks to my lovely beta siberia21: You're awesome! **_

_**Thanks to everybody who's still reading this story, and please, let me know what you think! :)**_


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